REALLY? Scientists JUST discovered people are happier on weekends? It’s 2010-still no cure for cancer, but don’t worry folks we’ve already discovered what every kindergartner can asses after their first week of school: Weekend = Happy Time!
Hey, you wanna know what might have helped you speed up the research on this one? Asking EVERY-ONE-YOU-KNOW.
I hate studies like this because it means somewhere someone claiming to be a scientist is getting paid to ‘discover’ things the rest of us already know. How could you be in a room with other scientists and not be embarassed?
-“Hey what’d you discover?”
-“Oh I successfully mapped the DNA of a group of wasps, making it easier for us to control them in the future and help us understand our own DNA a little better. You?”
-“Oh I figured out people would rather spend more time with their family and friends relaxing on the weekends than doing manual labor or spending 5 days in an office building or retail store serving the public.”
-“Haha no seriously what’d you do?”
You know what? Hang on let me put my white lab coat on. Ok my lab coat’s on. I’ve got a few things I’m about to discover that’ll blow you away!
HEY EVERYONE, PEOPLE LOVE RAISES! PEOPLE ARE HAPPIER WHEN THEY HAVE MORE MONEY!
uh oh I feel another breakthrough coming on…
BEING HOMELESS MAKES PEOPLE SAD!
ALCOHOL LEADS TO BABIES!
PEOPLE ENJOY SEX!
YOOHOO ISN’T REAL MILK!
PEOPLE WOULD RATHER EAT CAKE THAN EXERCISE!
That should cover it for a while.
